Steve Beer's Homepages

 

“All Is Well”

Adapted from a sermon by Henry Scott Holland.

 

Death is nothing at all,

I have only slipped into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name.

 

Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.

Put no difference in your tone.

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

 

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.

Let it be spoken without effect,

Without the trace of shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

 

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,

Just around the corner.

All is well.

 

 

Mummy

A tribute from Natasha

 

It’s clear to me how much my mum was loved by everyone. She was my whole world. I have so much I wish I could tell her and I miss her so much. There were so many adventures we had planned.

 

My mum was my go-to person. I loved our late-night chats when I got home. All she wanted to do was sleep but I had to tell her everything that had happened; the good, the bad and even the stuff she didn’t want to know. She always listened and gave the best advice. She always fought to help me with everything she could.

 

Mummy was feisty and brave and that showed in how she looked after me and interacted with others. She had a wonderful personality and was able to cheer me up and find ways to help when I was sad. She had the biggest heart and the best smile and laugh. We would go on adventures together as we loved exploring new places and doing new things.

 

I looked up to her and she is very much my role model. I may never be the person she was but I hope to follow in her footsteps and help share love and hope with others. She was always finding the good parts in the bad and seemed unable to stop finding joy in things. It’s something I want to carry with me. She had a spark which she never lost. She had such a way with words and helping others and I don’t know how she did it. She changed people’s lives for the better and I’m convinced she’d have changed the world if she had been given the time.

 

I feel robbed. She never got to see me turn into an adult, but I know she was so proud of me and she’d continue to be proud of who I’ll become. We shared the same beliefs and as I grew up and found out more about the world we seemed to view it in the same way.

 

I miss her so much, I miss the way she would wrap me up in the biggest hug. We called it the “hold me tight cuddle” and it always seemed to make everything better.

When I couldn’t sleep, I’d slip into her bed and snuggle with her and she’d tell me stories and help me imagine happy thoughts to help me drift off.

 

She would leave me notes in my lunchbox or a little present left on a neatly made bed. Her notes and letters always made my day and I’ve kept most of them in a special box.

 

I’ll miss her telling me to “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. That was our motto, when I was younger, to get me through the hard things and I always came out the other side so proud of myself. I’ve grown a lot in confidence thanks to her. I’ll miss laughing with her over something small and silly.

 

We loved crafting together. It started with Hama beads and art sets but grew into our key ring making.

 

She used to plait my hair and give me cool hairstyles for school. She’d pay me to clean her car. We’d bake together. She was my light and joy and if I’d had a bad day I always knew I would be coming home to her cuddles and her love.

 

When I was little, “Mamma Mia” was my absolute favourite movie and we’d watch it together all the time. I have such a vivid memory of re-watching it when I was older, understanding the storyline and being shocked. Mummy found that hilarious. 

 

When she cooked dinner she’d sprinkle extra love in for us. There are so many small things that made her who she was. It breaks my heart to think I’ll never get to see her, hear her voice or feel her hugs again. I know as I grow it’ll get easier but it’ll always be hard. I know she’d want me to be happy and follow my dreams. She loved watching me on stage and being able to chaperone. She was so happy when I got into drama school.

 

I loved how, even when she was poorly, she still found the time and energy to do things for me. We learned to take the bus and went out to coffee shops or for lunch. It wasn’t the same as our old adventures but we adapted.

 

I was nine when she was first diagnosed and I hid under a blanket and refused to talk to her because I was so upset. That was eight years ago. We’ve had so much more time with her than we ever expected and it’s been a wild ride. I’m so glad she stayed as long as she did. I wish it was longer but it was so painful to see her in her last few days when she wasn’t herself or was in pain. I hope she’s somewhere enjoying herself now or being peaceful. Knowing my mum, she’s probably getting up to some mischief.

 

She was a light throughout my darkest times and now I’m learning to shine for others and myself. Her favourite quote was “When it rains, look for rainbows. When it’s dark, look for stars.” and it really reflects who she was. If I could grow up to be even a little bit like her that would be incredible. I feel so lucky to have known her and loved her and been her daughter. I hope I continue to make her proud wherever she is. If you’re listening, Mum, I know you wouldn’t want me to be sad. I made so many wonderful memories with Mummy that will live in me. I’ll love her with my whole heart forever and ever and every day in between. In her words, “Nothing and nobody, not even time will change that.”

 

I saw a quote that rang true, “Even though you didn't make it to the end of my story, I will always have the corner folded down on your page, because it was one of my favourites.”.

 

Oh, and also, Mummy, because you can’t talk back, I love you the most. The end. I win!

 

Eulogy by Ian

 

Remembering Heather.

 

Sylvia and I were overjoyed when Heather came into the world and are devastated that she has left it so soon and before us.

 

I want to mention some events that informed her character and her outlook throughout her life.

 

As a teenager, Heather was outgoing and friendly. Aged 13 she visited her grandfather, who had advanced dementia, in a care home which helped her decide to become an occupational therapist. She wanted actively to care for people as a professional and not just to look after them.

 

She attended to Canterbury Christ Church University, but at the beginning of her second year fell ill with chronic fatigue syndrome. This would have deterred many people, but Heather saw it as a challenge. She worked hard to overcome the illness and start her training again from the beginning. In this, she showed her positive attitude and the strength and determination which characterised the rest of her life. She applied these qualities to other people, especially the disadvantaged, always being a willing helper and advocate. She raised an amazing amount for charity, both directly and through selling craft works she made.

 

Heather made many of her lifelong friends at university. At this time, she also met her future husband, Steve, whom she was with for 29 years. They were supportive of each other for all this time, despite the many challenges they faced, and their love never wavered. Her beautiful daughters, Natasha and Zoe, were born with health issues but again she rose to the challenges presented and ensured that the girls had the best treatments available. Heather was fiercely protective of her family and made sure that family members had opportunities to thrive.

 

I have so many good memories of Heather. What stands out and stays with me are the memories of our holidays together. She said our trip through Northern Thailand fostered her love of travel and led to her and Steve travelling there on honeymoon. I was delighted that she also fell in love with the Isle of Man, which was my home and where we had a joyous family holiday before she learned that her cancer had spread. I’m sure it was Heather’s determination to live to the full which gave us another five years for Natasha and Zoe to grow up and mature in her loving care.

 

Heather was kind, generous and fun, with a passion for life. She will be sadly missed by so many people who will remember her with love and deep affection.

 

I’d like to finish with a meditation by John Donne, written in 1624.

 

No man is an island,

Entire of itself;

Every man is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.

 

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less,

As well as if a promontory were,

As well as if a manor of thy friend’s

Or of thine own were.

 

Any man’s death diminishes me,

Because I am involved in mankind,

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;

It tolls for thee.

 

 

“Heather Loved...”

A tribute from Steve.

 

Heather loved ...

Her girls, fiercely.

Her friends, loyally.

Her assorted family, relatively.

 

Improving her understanding of mental health for the benefit of others.

Helping people however her significant skill set would allow.

A good fight with bureaucracy to get what is owed.

Talking. With ... people. Even those she didn't know !

 

Making keyrings.

Games and puzzles.

A good book or three - non-fiction and trashy novel alike.

 

Dirty Dancing, the movie.

Sleeping through movies.

Sleeping through Dirty Dancing, the movie.

 

Walks in the sunshine.

Adventures in the rain.

Days out.

Being beside the sea side.

 

Formal gardens.

Informal forests.

A good pair of walking boots and a tent.

 

Holidays.

Swimming.

Villa holidays with a pool.

India, Thailand, Spain, Portugal, Greece, Lapland and Wales.

 

The theatre.

Especially musical theatre.

Especially musical theatre with her girls in.

 

Christmas.

Christmas markets,

Christmas ornaments.

Christmas presents.

 

Cooking and baking.

A good salad.

A Sunday roast.

Afternoon tea.

 

Bendicks mints.

Freshly squeezed orange juice.

Elderflower cordial.

Thai, Indian, Chinese, Korean, fish and chips.

 

Dolphins.

Hamsters.

Dogs.

Meerkats.

 

Gardening.

Alstromeria flowers.

Bluebells.

 

And me.

Lucky, lucky me.

I am so glad to have known her.

So glad to have shared so much with her.

I was her rock.

She was my compass.

She was my everything.

 

 

“On the death of the beloved.”

Blessing and poem by John O'Donohue.

Chosen by Sylvia.

 

Though we need to weep your loss,

You dwell in that safe place in our hearts,

Where no storm or night or pain can reach you.

 

Your love was like the dawn

Brightening over our lives,

Awakening beneath the dark.

A further adventure of color.

The sound of your voice

Found for us

A new music

That brightened everything.

 

Whatever you enfolded in your gaze

Quickened in the joy of its being ,

You placed smiles like flowers

On the altar of the heart.

Your mind always sparkled

With wonder at things.

 

Though your days here were brief,

Your spirit was alive, awake, complete.

 

We look toward each other no longer

From the old distance of our names;

Now you dwell inside the rhythm of breath,

As close to us as we are to ourselves.

 

Though we cannot see you with outward eyes,

We know our soul's gaze is upon your face,

Smiling back at us from within everything

To which we bring our best refinement.

 

Let us not look for you only in memory,

Where we would grow lonely without you.

You would want us to find you in presence,

Besides us when beauty brightens,

When kindness glows

And music echoes eternal tones.

 

When orchids brighten the earth,

Darkest winter has turned to spring;

May this dark grief flower with hope

In every heart that loves you.

 

May you continue to inspire us:

 

To enter each day with a generous heart.

To serve the call of courage and love

Until we see your beautiful face again

In that land where there is no more separation,

Where all tears will be wiped from our mind,

And where we will never lose you again.

 

 

Donations

in memory of Heather can be made to

 

The Brigitte Trust

Supporting individuals and their families facing terminal conditions, enhancing quality of life through practical and emotional help.

 

Make 2nds Count

Giving hope to those affected by secondary breast cancer.